Emails from a Frazzled Mum

XDate: Tue, 6 Feb 2001 04:15:17 +1100
To: The gang
From: Melinda

its 3.10 in the morning and Brie has just had me up for a feed, it’s funny how easily you get used to not having interrupted sleep, Brie has been sleeping through for quite a while now(’bout a week)and I have been loving it.

She is nearly 8 months old, can you believe it? she sits up, smiles, waves and says Dada and Buba, she(like Jackson did) only says Mama when she is crying(sigh). We are very lucky to have such good kids.

Sometimes though, I am finding it quite tiresome to be a mum – guess I can’t shake that selfish streak, aren’t mothers supposed to be all tolerant and patience with an infinate amount of drive and smiles?. There are times smiling is kinda hard – even though I know how lucky we are.

Sorry, didn’t mean to be a downer…..

Jackson and his repetitive questions are really quite funny: I am changing Aubrie’s nappy and Jackson is helping

J. Mummy, where is Aubries’ penis?

M. She dosen’t have one honey, she’s a girl

J Did she break it?

M No, she just dosen’t have one

J Did she lose it?

M No, She just dosen’t have one

J But all she has is a big crack

M (trying not to snigger) Thats just the way girls are hon

J So… girls only have a bottom?

M errr….. not quite

J how does she do a wee?

M sitting down

J Oh, okay then(and happily runs off to play with his trainset)

I love the 3 minute attention span

Fun, love and Mung beans

Mel

- Parenthood means never finishing a……. sorry….. where was I?

~ ~ The dudes list. ~ A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention, ~ with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequilla. ~

From: Melinda
Subject: [dudes] The Exorcist in 3D
Sender: owner-dudes
Precedence: bulk
Reply-To: dudes

You know you’re a parent when……

After being up all night with the baby, dragging ourselves and all the baby gear down two flights of stairs, packing two bags for the kids (forgetting the dummy for the baby) going back upstairs two times for things forgotten or suddenly demanded (still forgetting the dummy).

Driving 3/4 hr to a friends place with a constant loud flow of vocals between your children in the back (baby is still too small to argue, but she can yell a lot) stopping at Macdonalds to get a happy meal to stem persistant whining from the older child who then declares “I’m not hungry” and starts with “where are we going?” vaguely mentions not feeling well but forgets about that when you pass a park and wants to stop and play.

Get to your friends house, bring in all the baby stuff and as they are playing a boardgame toddler plays with their dogs, baby gets upset and the hunt for the dummy is on… ring another (long suffering) friend who is on their way to the gathering and getting them to buy a dummy, make up a 1/2 bottle for the baby and feed her she’s happy again and your toddler comes in to watch cable cartoons.

The boardgame finishes, and your friends flood into the loungeroom and sit down to chat, just as you have settled in and someone else is playing with the baby, your older child vomits on the carpet and all over himself, you instantly move your child to an easier to hose area and proceed to clean him up.

Then your child projectile vomits into your face from 10cm away, Just as you are cleaning them up from the first hurl and asking ‘are you ok hon?’ in a concerned parental voice.

It was like being in front of a fire hydrant…

And all you can do is laugh…

Melinda

god I love being a parent

- Parenthood is not for wimps

~ ~ The dudes list. ~ A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention, ~ with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequilla. ~

From: Melinda
List-Id: Not the shadowy fashion advisory body you are looking

I am really feeling sick today, I have picked up an icky virussy thing and earlier today as I was heaving into the porcelaine throne – I had company my 11 month old baby girl… Aubrie

M “oh yeuuch” (wiping mouth with a tissue)

A excitedly jumping up and down and hitting my back “He he he hahahah”

M “do you think this is funny?”

A clapping and squeeling with delight

M heaving again

A grabs hold of mum’s shoulder so she can peek into the bowl, then pretends to heave also “OOOOOOhhh”

M “I hope you are having a good time”

A “Mmmmmwa” (kissy noise) she then laughs, claps and waves both hands to show approval all this time standing by herself

M “well, at least you dont want me to hold you”

A “Mumumumumumumum” climbing onto a frazzled mum.

sigh

Mel

- Parenthood is not for wimps

Study finds sleep depravation confused with post-natal depression

Dr Harriet Hiscock of Melbourne’s Royal Children’s Hospital, says women can avoid such problems by gradually reducing the frequency of night feeds and letting their babies cry themselves to sleep.

Researcher urges fathers to take on child care role

Dr Pocock also says men need to be encouraged to take a greater role in their children’s lives, and the running of the household.

It obviously starts at a young age, but is it hard-wired into the male brain or what?

Yesterday Jackson, Aubrie and I were at Rachels’ place having lunch and catching up with Charlotte(a friend of Rachel) and her 4 year old boy Oscar.

Apparently Oscar had been quite excited at the prospect of having Jackson to play with and as soon as we got there, they(the boys) ran out the back and played with matchbox cars and stuff like that.

Jackson had brought 2 gliders that you could put together to play with and that was quite a hit, several times Charlotte and I had to reassemble a plane that had gone horribly wrong – or, find one that had gone way up high in the bushes.

I looked out some time later to see them both standing on the out-door picnic table, jumping with each throw of the plane to see if they could get it higher than the other in the bushes.

After quite a while, it was very hot and sticky, both boys had come in for a drink and Rachel had suggested they strip down to undies and run through the hose, this was greeted with great cheers and much shedding of clothes.

Whilst helping Jackson get undressed, I noticed his shorts were already wet…

Melinda: Honey, did you have and accident in your pants?

Jackson: No mummy, Oscar and I dont need to got to the toilet

Melinda: What happened?

Jackson: (Proudly beaming) We had wee wee fights!

I then (biting my tounge to look serious) took him to Charlotte to tell her….she was shocked.

After the running through the hose, we had lunch, the boys sat outside in the shade and ate and the girls sat at the kitchen table.

Rachel: I worked out how they got it all over each other

Melinda: How?

Rachel: I think they were using their dickies like swords

Melinda: You mean they were cockfighting?… I thought that was illegal

Rachel and Charlotte laughed(nearly choking on their sandwiches)

Melinda: …. isn’t that cruel to the chickens? —

Be well Mel

At the end of the evening routine there is a bed time story, this is just one of them……

M. What story would you like to hear honey?

J. Spot goes splash.

M. OK, Once there was a little dog called Spot and he wanted to go outside and splash in the puddles, but it was raining and ….

J. he had to have lunch

M. ok, so he had to have lunch in the dining room….

J kitchen

M. he had to have lunch in the kitchen, after lunch…..

J. what did he have?

M I dont know….. a peanut butter sandwich

J. no, he had chicken korma

M. Spot ate his chicken korma and then he put on his hat and gumboots

J They’re plastic

M pardon?

J they’re not gumboots, they are plastic boots

M (sigh) he put on his plastic boots and his raincoat and carried his umbrella outside before he put it up

J. I have a Thomas the Tankengine raincoat

M I know, Spot upened up his umbrella

J why?

M Because it was raining

J what is on his raincoat?

M errr……Thomas the tank engine?

J Thats right, good girl!

M Where was I?

J Spot is in the rain….

M Oh yes…. Spot went to the park to see his friends, Helen the Hippo, Cyril the Squirrel and Bucky the Beaver

J and who else?

M Karl the crocodile

J no, its nonna the crocodile

M (smiling) oh, non the croc

J no. listen carefully mummy…. N o n n a the crocodile

m…….. so they all went to the park to play

J is it like the park we go to?

M yup,

J does it have swings and a slipperydip?

M yes, but they cannot play on them because the rain makes them all slippery

J So now what?

M They all splash in the puddles

J. where are the puddles?

M in the park

J no, *where* are the puddles?

M oh, under the swings and at the bottom of the slippery dip

J and at the top of the slippery dip

M but it would slide down

J why?

M Gravity would make the water slide down the slippery dip just like you do

J. No it wouldnt

M why?

J I’m not wet!

M (deep breath) …..so Spot and his friends splash in the puddles and get all wet and dirty

J and then it was time for dinner

M. ok, where are they going?

J home you silly (giggling)

M they all went home and had dinner

J. Chicken korma?

M yes

J how about french toast?

M ok, they had french toast for dinner

J Mummy

M Yes hon?

J can I have french toast for dinner?

M welllll…. thats really a brekkie thing

J can I have it for brekkie then?

M Sometime…. now, after spot had dinner it was time for bath and brush teeth and bed.

J did they have bubbles

m they?

J spot and all his friends

M yes, they all had a big bath together, with heaps of bubbles and lots of bath toys

J. and a blow up camel

M (laughing out loud) yes, and a blow up camel

J and, and, they all had a blow up camel each so they wouldnt fight over it *and* they didnt have to share.

M and then they finished their bath and they all went to bed

J and they fell fast asleep, just like Jackson and Aubrie.

M. thats right hon, goodnight (kiss)

J (Stage whisper) mummy……

M yes honey?

J. I’m hungry…. can I have breakfast?

-

It seems that life is just one big set up

bwwwhaaaaaaaa

Be well Luv Mel